Hey there,
I want to start this post by letting you know I'm okay. I don't know if you will ever see this, but if you're anything like, you've lost just a little bit of sleep, even just the first night, concerned with my well-being. Nothing is broken, swollen, bruised, or seriously injured. I'm not just saying "I'm okay" and I didn't say it the day of the accident just to ease your mind. I said it that day because I was in shock, and I really was okay. And I was amazed that I was okay. Yes, my arm hurts. But it's still working. It's not in a cast or anything else.
I also want you to know that I'm not angry. I know it was an accident, that if it wasn't, you wouldn't have slammed on your brakes to try and not hit me. I know you tried your best to avoid hitting me, and that you did great. I am amazed that you were able to just brake, and not try to swerve, speed up, or do anything else that would cause a worse accident. I am so grateful that you stopped and checked on me, albeit from a distance. I know it wasn't easy to pull to the side of the road I was on, and traffic was bad at that moment. I really appreciate you watching me as I walked away; it actually meant a lot to me. I waved and gave you a 'thumbs up' to show my appreciation of that.
I want to explain why I didn't stay there and wait for you to come over to me. Why I didn't cross back over and come to you. Why I didn't call the cops. Because so many people have asked me this, and now that I'm thinking with my logical mind, I've been asking myself this as well. I was even a little harsh to myself about it a few days ago.
I don't know if you've ever been in a situation where you were in total shock. I haven't until that day, and seeing it now from the outside is kind of an interesting thing. I don't really remember a lot, actually, but that's not amnesia. My head wasn't in contact with anything that whole time. I honestly feel like it was more of a defense mechanism more than anything else. I remember getting hit, but I didn't register that I was hit by a car. I saw the car, but it was the same emotion I get when a person walks into me: that first annoyed reaction. I still can't remember what I was thinking, even if I was, but when the man hugged me, I remember the edges of my vision starting to fade. I do remember thinking "Am I going to pass out?" but as the guy talked to me, I was starting to come back. As you yelled across the street, asking if I was okay, I still didn't quite comprehend what was happening. But I knew I had to answer you. The first thing that came out of my mouth was "Yeah, I'm fine." Because for some reason, and I wasn't sure why, I wasn't supposed to be fine. Yet I was. As you shouted "are you sure?" I was slowly starting to realize what had happened. And I was totally fine. So I answered "Yeah, I'm fine." I almost crossed over to you, but fear of going through that again hit me. I was so terrified of getting hurt again that I couldn't cross.
As I started realizing what happened, my fight or flight instinct kicked in. That good ol' amygdala took over and I wanted to get out of there. Not from you, but from the situation. It makes no sense now, I know I should've stayed there. Yet I wasn't logical at all. So I feel I need to apologize for walking away. It wasn't fair to me or you, but it was what I needed to do to gather my senses and come to terms what had just happened. I wasn't thinking clearly at all, and as I walked it then hit me what had just happened. Over and over again in my head "Liz, you were just hit by a car" loud and clear, and my heart was racing and my hands were trembling, and I was still so amazed that I was OKAY. I was in hysterics as I walked into the building I was headed to, and I told others that "I was just hit by a car, and I'm OKAY." They were so nice and told me to sit down and drink some water, and asked me if I was actually okay. I wanted to scream to the heavens that I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive!
TL;DR I'm really not angry at all. I'm okay. And please, please, please be careful next time. This isn't just to you; this is to everyone reading this. Please watch carefully all the time, especially when you know there are a lot of pedestrians walking around in that area. So many times I've heard of people getting killed or seriously hurt in the crosswalk. I am so very lucky, but not very many people are. So please, watch as you turn or drive through a crosswalk.
I hope you are emotionally and mentally okay, and if you read this, you are more than welcome to reach out to me. I am okay because you stopped in time. Thank you. I'll take a sore arm over anything else.
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